Michael Learns to Rock
Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore
I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
That's why you go away I know
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
friendship
alot of things changing now...a very good friend of mine been away from me. "M" did help me alot when the time i am in a mess. "M" fetch me to n fro when i need help. at that moment i really need someone with me and "M" never failed to help on. "M" spend most of the time with me. "M" gives me food, place to sleep, transport, cares and also financially did help me. i really appreciate. however "M" wont forever with me. i need to be or have to be independant. "M" found own life now. "M" is too busy for me. i know times cant go backward. i really have a good time whenever we are together. no matter what happen i still hope we can catch up very soon. i still hope can celebrate your birthday for you. i still hope "M" will be there when i move house. once i get my car (hopefully really can get it) you are the first person who sit next to me. this is my promise to you. i wont forget who helps me. i will always support you in whatever you do. all the best!!!
"friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"
"friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"
u got to move it..move it...move it
5 days didnt update my blog :p been busy packing my stuff. i going to move on this thursday. this few days i have been busy packing all my things in boxes. clean my house and bring mocha to groom. mocha now is BOTAK. pity him...he looks silly with his naked body. i think he also cant accept how he looks like now but no choice since he shed and tangle alot coz of he is changing to adult fur.
so now my house is full with the boxes all around. really hope the day come very soon. so i can unpack all my things and have a proper place to rest. still alot of things to clear and pack. this month really need to spend alot. sigh... yesterday been to see cloths. thought want to get some cheap cloth for my curtain. cant choose any...the color and patterns seems doesnt match my needs. after count count and count. walao...is very expensive leh :( all on budget. help me!!!!
pssstt~~~need help to move my things ne....who can be my volunteer :p
so now my house is full with the boxes all around. really hope the day come very soon. so i can unpack all my things and have a proper place to rest. still alot of things to clear and pack. this month really need to spend alot. sigh... yesterday been to see cloths. thought want to get some cheap cloth for my curtain. cant choose any...the color and patterns seems doesnt match my needs. after count count and count. walao...is very expensive leh :( all on budget. help me!!!!
pssstt~~~need help to move my things ne....who can be my volunteer :p
Thursday, October 25, 2007
moving on
phew~~~the times run so fast...i have been away from my home sweet home for about 2 weeks. everything is changing and changing and keep on changing. alot of things happen in just not more than a month. currently i stayed with my dear colleague. simply chuck at her house. still remember the very first day reached her house. gosh~~~ i need to fight with a big cockcroach. in my past life each time i see this ugly insect i will run far far away and hide myself from looking at it but now i need to be tough. me and my friend with the broom, book and perfume get ready to attack this small enemy. you all must wonder why use perfume. is because her house dont have ridsect. gosh~~~so i just suggest use perfume. kakaka....it really works. the cockcroach crawl out from the shade. i throw the book on it. bingo~~~i get him. we were jump in joy. we beat the enemy. wow~~~a big things to celebrate :p
in my half life i really never been so suffer. i cant depend on anybody. i need to take cold shower which is really very cold. sleep at somebody's bed. everything is not convenience for me. sigh... i am looking forward to get my own room and sleep on my own bed. i need a good and comfortable rest.
ok this is my plan now. i going to rent a house with my colleagues. i will have my own room. yuuuhuuuuu~~~is a very nice place. after i settle down...you all can come to visit me. i am sure you all will like it also. meanwhile please pray for me :S i will know my car loan status tomorrow. hopefully i can get it. after i get the car i really can release a bit. at least i have own place to stay and have car to work. no car in kl really suffer. i cant go anywhere. after i move in then i will fetch mocha. is been sometime i didnt see him. i miss him so much.
stay tune with me with my new life. if can i will post some photo of my new house. thanks you all for supports and comments. i really need your advise at this moment. THANKS!!!
in my half life i really never been so suffer. i cant depend on anybody. i need to take cold shower which is really very cold. sleep at somebody's bed. everything is not convenience for me. sigh... i am looking forward to get my own room and sleep on my own bed. i need a good and comfortable rest.
ok this is my plan now. i going to rent a house with my colleagues. i will have my own room. yuuuhuuuuu~~~is a very nice place. after i settle down...you all can come to visit me. i am sure you all will like it also. meanwhile please pray for me :S i will know my car loan status tomorrow. hopefully i can get it. after i get the car i really can release a bit. at least i have own place to stay and have car to work. no car in kl really suffer. i cant go anywhere. after i move in then i will fetch mocha. is been sometime i didnt see him. i miss him so much.
stay tune with me with my new life. if can i will post some photo of my new house. thanks you all for supports and comments. i really need your advise at this moment. THANKS!!!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
100 Days Together "Never too Late to Say I LOVE U
i get this article from my friend's blog. i really hope to share with you all. is really touching....
Peter and Tina are sittinng in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having with their beloved half.
Tina : I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter : I guess we're the only leftoevers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh n silence for a while)
Tina : I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game.
Peter : Eh? What game?
Tina : Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'l be your girlfriend for 100 days. What do you think?
Peter : Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina : You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter : What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in the theater now.
Tina : Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent eac other home)
Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keycain with a star.
Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:
Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
Day 67:
They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to pla a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's check.
Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.
1.23pm
Tina : I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter : Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina : Eem..Apple juice will be just fine.
1.43pm
Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter haven't return. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger : Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter.
Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.
11.51pm
Doctor : I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would tae him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.
The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. e look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter sad.
Tina, our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.
11.58pm
Tina : (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the might there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days. So Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
Note*
Tell the guy or girl that you love them before its too ate. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow. You never know who will be leaving you and never return.
pick from anna's blog....
Peter and Tina are sittinng in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having with their beloved half.
Tina : I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter : I guess we're the only leftoevers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh n silence for a while)
Tina : I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game.
Peter : Eh? What game?
Tina : Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'l be your girlfriend for 100 days. What do you think?
Peter : Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina : You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter : What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in the theater now.
Tina : Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent eac other home)
Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keycain with a star.
Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:
Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
Day 67:
They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to pla a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's check.
Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.
1.23pm
Tina : I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter : Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina : Eem..Apple juice will be just fine.
1.43pm
Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter haven't return. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger : Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter.
Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.
11.51pm
Doctor : I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would tae him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.
The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. e look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter sad.
Tina, our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.
11.58pm
Tina : (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the might there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days. So Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
Note*
Tell the guy or girl that you love them before its too ate. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow. You never know who will be leaving you and never return.
pick from anna's blog....
Monday, October 22, 2007
Separate Lives
You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?
You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives
Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives
Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger
Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?
You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives
Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives
Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger
Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives
Sunday, October 21, 2007
rainy sunday
i can feel that the weather follows my mood. cloudly and rainning all the time. i feel very hard to understand a person. i start to hate myself. i was like hanging in the air all the time. i cant find any security now. my decision to separate not only i will be alone but it really effect every single things in my life. lots of my friends did say, "Esther, this is not life or death". do you all really know is nearly about my life. i really break down now.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
new lifestyle new environment...
it's been a day i away from my own house...can i get use to the new environment? new lifestyle? i also dont know how to answer that. am i happy? i hope to be happy with my new life. anyhow is not all happen as i thought. today finally i manage to get back to my parents house. nothing much happen also. seems like everything is normal. now my life is like sleep, blog, work, eat and sleep. hahaha....
i miss my naughty mocha so much but i think he should be under good care. now i was worrying about my fishes. ya...i have fish aquarium at my house too. still thinking the way to make sure they will still in good condition. i think i really need a car. if i have car i no need to disturb my friend everytime to send me here and there. kindda annoying already :p
today i called the car salesman...finally i get him. he said will help me to get some other bank for the loan. sigh... hopefully really can get it. WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
i miss my naughty mocha so much but i think he should be under good care. now i was worrying about my fishes. ya...i have fish aquarium at my house too. still thinking the way to make sure they will still in good condition. i think i really need a car. if i have car i no need to disturb my friend everytime to send me here and there. kindda annoying already :p
today i called the car salesman...finally i get him. he said will help me to get some other bank for the loan. sigh... hopefully really can get it. WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!
Friday, October 19, 2007
what's my feeling now?
yesterday i spend whole night with mocha. he is very happy playing with me. he very stick to me. where ever i went he will just follow my foot steps. it's time for me to pack all my clothes. mocha just lying beside my luggage bag looking at me. i feel so sad that i have to leave him. sorry mocha...mummy will be back soon to fetch you. while i packing all my belongings, alot of things come to my mind. all those memories when i start to move in to this house. here is the place i adopt mocha since he was 4 months old and he will turns to 2 years old next month. sigh....argh...dont think...or else i will cry again on my desk :(
after pack all my stuff i went out to living hall to have a puff. stand by the window look at the night view for the last time. phew~~~ scary feeling. the time has come for me to move on. i cant stay here while the world is moving. sorry for everything.
i get my medicine and eat double the dose just hope i can get into sleep later. i sit on my dining chair and simply explore what's inside MY DOCUMENT in my laptop. i found something...is kind of letter i communicate with him. actually everytime we argue i use to write to him coz he never will sit there and listen to me. i read back all the contents in the letter...sigh....same problem. then i check back the date when i wrote it and it was on 2006. i login to friendster...i check back my mails....there is another letter there...same problem and it was on 2005. haiz~~~actually we already face the problem since 2 years back. then i am very sure my decision now maybe is good for both of us. if 1 of us didnt make the move now maybe 10 years later the problem is still there. hope you understand.
after pack all my stuff i went out to living hall to have a puff. stand by the window look at the night view for the last time. phew~~~ scary feeling. the time has come for me to move on. i cant stay here while the world is moving. sorry for everything.
i get my medicine and eat double the dose just hope i can get into sleep later. i sit on my dining chair and simply explore what's inside MY DOCUMENT in my laptop. i found something...is kind of letter i communicate with him. actually everytime we argue i use to write to him coz he never will sit there and listen to me. i read back all the contents in the letter...sigh....same problem. then i check back the date when i wrote it and it was on 2006. i login to friendster...i check back my mails....there is another letter there...same problem and it was on 2005. haiz~~~actually we already face the problem since 2 years back. then i am very sure my decision now maybe is good for both of us. if 1 of us didnt make the move now maybe 10 years later the problem is still there. hope you understand.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
life must go on
this morning woke up late....being blur blur rushing to work. after i reached office only i realised that i forgot to bring my medicine. sigh... today i have made the most cruel and hardest decision in my life. now i already have zero in my life except my parents and my lovely sis. so sorry if some of you might think i doing some wrong things again. my car loan is having trouble which i need to sort out but it needs time. my house? i cant stay in the house without a car. i need to work. so i have decided temporary place mocha under my ex care. i am really sad and sorry to him that i have to make this decision as in i really cant take care of him right now. i have to be clear of myself and of coz i will fetch him back right after everything goes well soon. i hope is very soon.
temporary i will stay at my friend's place which is kind enough to help me at this moment. i really appreciate that. meanwhile, i will still think of the best way to put back my life together as usual. tonight might be the last night i feed mocha..clear his poo...play ball with him...sleep with him. i will miss you so much~~~
temporary i will stay at my friend's place which is kind enough to help me at this moment. i really appreciate that. meanwhile, i will still think of the best way to put back my life together as usual. tonight might be the last night i feed mocha..clear his poo...play ball with him...sleep with him. i will miss you so much~~~
what a bad bad day...
finally i get to call bank to check on my loan application. they REJECTED :( gosh...what can i do now??? what a life without a car. i cant go to work, i cant back to my parents house, i cant do alot of things.
today really bad luck...fever on and off. my hp out of battery and died. when i try to on . omg...so long time i didnt off my hp i really cant remember what is the pin code. i tried and tried LOCKED. argh... i stay alone and i cant make or receive any calls. who care???? i really got nothing now. how if one day i have no car and phone cant make or receive calls. will someone really worry about me? i rush out to public phone to make a call to someone who i think will care. sigh...i am wrong :(
today really bad luck...fever on and off. my hp out of battery and died. when i try to on . omg...so long time i didnt off my hp i really cant remember what is the pin code. i tried and tried LOCKED. argh... i stay alone and i cant make or receive any calls. who care???? i really got nothing now. how if one day i have no car and phone cant make or receive calls. will someone really worry about me? i rush out to public phone to make a call to someone who i think will care. sigh...i am wrong :(
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
why you still controlling my life?
since we already choose to be in separate way then why you still bugging me and controlling me? i feel so suffer...can you please stop scolding me? i really feel so sick and i am trying to have my own life. what can i do now? i dont want to argue anymore....
i have already told my mum about this matter. she non stop calling me yesterday. ask me this and that. if can i wont choose to be like that. honestly i am not that tough. i need someone to be with me, to care of me, to pamper me but what can i do? just because of other people i need to stay back? i dont want my life just end up like this. even after 5 years i still feel insecure. can anyone tell me how long i still need to wait? what if after 2 years still the same? i am selfish...i cant wait for miracle to happen.
i have already told my mum about this matter. she non stop calling me yesterday. ask me this and that. if can i wont choose to be like that. honestly i am not that tough. i need someone to be with me, to care of me, to pamper me but what can i do? just because of other people i need to stay back? i dont want my life just end up like this. even after 5 years i still feel insecure. can anyone tell me how long i still need to wait? what if after 2 years still the same? i am selfish...i cant wait for miracle to happen.
sick again...
argh... fever, cough, flu. why all this virus keep on staying inside my body. i really hate to eat medicine. yuck~~~ cough syrup again, flu tablets, antibiotic...makes me feel so sleepy. after ate the medicine i can mabuk in half hour. more efficient than liqour :p
this morning wake up i feel my head so heavy. whole body aching. my eyes going to burst. sigh... no matter how sick i still need to drag myself to office :( no more mc for me. take mc again sure will receive big envelope soon. kacang salary also gone then i will die man~~~
this morning wake up i feel my head so heavy. whole body aching. my eyes going to burst. sigh... no matter how sick i still need to drag myself to office :( no more mc for me. take mc again sure will receive big envelope soon. kacang salary also gone then i will die man~~~
Tuesday, October 16, 2007
brand new start
this year this month this moment is time for ESTHER to wake up and work out for her life. me and him have been struggling for 2 years for this 5 years relationship. i been blur with no aim in my life. just let the time pass without any meaning. 5 years with 2 years dragging...finally i make my decision to start all over again. maybe is a good ending for me and him. this time i really mean it!!!! maybe i am selfish...sorry for everything and i do appreciate what you have done for me this few years.
for now i need to adjust every single of my lifestyle from the head to toe. i need to stand up and be independant. i admit i used to depend on him. since now i decide it this way then i need to be brave but i really scare to face it :( every friend that call me to concern about my matter for sure they will throw me the first question " How are you going to work?" then i will replied " Good question". sigh... i trying to get a car. still waiting for the loan to approve. is not easy.... once get a car the more burden i have. phew~~~ with the kacang salary how to bear so many things.
for now i need to adjust every single of my lifestyle from the head to toe. i need to stand up and be independant. i admit i used to depend on him. since now i decide it this way then i need to be brave but i really scare to face it :( every friend that call me to concern about my matter for sure they will throw me the first question " How are you going to work?" then i will replied " Good question". sigh... i trying to get a car. still waiting for the loan to approve. is not easy.... once get a car the more burden i have. phew~~~ with the kacang salary how to bear so many things.
see my blog la...
This come to my mind at first when I think should I start a blog of myself. I can't write very well but I feel fun writting a blog after chasing for other people's blog everyday :p I think sometime ago I did have a blog of my dog Mocha but I really don't know how to write and lazy to update. This few days been thinking should I start a blog again..... and here I am. Trying to write something on and hope it wont too bored.
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