photo part 3...my newly decor of all

here you go.... nice ma? nice ma?? hehe...i really happy with this. i love this house. this is what i shop this few days...new coffee table, carpet...

lights....curtains

this is my new decor of my room... just change the curtain and also bed sheet

tell me is nice. hahaha....

photo part 2....new year, new life, new environment

since i have so many free time during this festive season...me and my housemate decide to have a superb shopping spree. after all those past memories...this is my most happy moment after we shop like mad. we shop like no tomorrow!!!!!!! see all the photos below you all will know what we did at the shopping complexes. lol

oppss...just imagine if we drive 4 wheel drive to the complexes. we shop til the car so full...just

good enough for me and my housemate to sit in the car :p

DAY 1

DAY 2
another problem for us after we reach home. how we going to take all those things to 30th floor CONDO?????? anyhow we take few times to the lift and few times from the lift to our unit. wow!!! tiring man :p

okok...let you all see the outcome after heavy shopping...

photo part 1....christmas

i believe you all always just get to read my blog without photos. i am really sorry because i really dont know how to upload and arrange the photo in this blog. after i upload everything become very messy :(

Here you go this is my 1st christmas tree in my house after 25 years :p nice or not???

goodbye 2007....welcome 2008

alot of things happen during the year 2007. i change my job, separated, move new place, knew new friends, do something crazy and most of all the last quarter of the year is all about drinking session. i really wish i can stop drinking and adjust back my life to normal. kakakaka.... i cant sleep when the night i didnt drink. i stop for 2 days and this 2 days i didnt sleep at all. i really scare. what can i do... should i get sleeping pills to overcome this?

christmas going to pass soon. new year is coming...really hope everything will goes smooth very soon. long long way to go with this coming new year.

christmas eve 2007

i received alot of sms greeting from all of my friends. really happy for that. alot of sms asking me where u partying tonight? where you enjoying yourself tonight? and some other sms "dont drink too much" hahaha....they really know me much but what's surprising is i didnt drink at all and didnt celebrate. i was at home since 12am on 24th and doing housekeeping on 25th. kakaka....i believe some of u might feel weird..ESTHER you stay at home? alone? i said YEAH...i am at home doing nothing and got no one to talk to. so i decide better talk to my blog. WHAT A BORING LIFE I HAVING NOW. i am having a long holidays. my company is good enough to let us have a long holiday till next year. should be a good news right? but for me i really scare holiday and weekend. i dont want be alone :s all this festive season really drive me crazy

busy month

wow....so fast is already 21st of Dec...is really a very very busy month for me. rushing this and that. work 7 days a week. sometimes i think back am i already cure from my heart sick or i really busy til i have no time to think back. after so many things happen since september...now is already 3 months pass. 3 months? oh god...i thought is very long time ago coz is really alot of things happen in such a short period. it was like 3 years for me. anyway,i cant really tell what is my condition now. happy?sad?good?bad? erm...me myself also has no answer for it. so far i still adjusting my life.

What Hurts The Most

today whole day raining... bringing me to more emotional mood :s suddenly this song come into my mind. is really so true about my mood now. hope you all like this song as well.


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I’m ok
But that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowingWhat could have been
And not seeing that loving youIs what I was tryin’ to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doin’ It
It’s hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I’m alone
Still HarderGetting up, getting dressed, livin’ with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do
Not seeing that loving you
That’s what I was trying to do

penang food

We didnt take much photo during this trip... here some of the local food photo from penang

penang lobak, fried oyster, asam laksa, fried kueh teow, penang rojak and etc...

wish can go to penang to enjoy the days again :)

penang trip

here comes the last month of the year...i think everybody also in holiday mood when December arrive. i was away from kl last 3 days. really really need a break ever since so many things happen. finally i can make it at least a local trip to penang with my lovely housemate :) we didnt plan for this trip earlier just out of sudden and we go. hehe...

really long time didnt go to penang already. can say that is about 10 years back. cant remember much how it's look like. i think you all should know where is it about in this picture. yeah~~ it's penang bridge.

we really didnt plan anything on this trip. we just go there without think where to visit at penang. just follow the heart ;) once we get there we just check in and rest in the hotel. is a nice and comfortable hotel. we stay at Traders Hotel with the help of my friend who managed to book 1 for us. penang is really pack during holiday season. alot of the hotel is fully booked.

after took a nap we all head to an optic shop called V Care at Perangin mall. sounds weird right? we all the way to penang with the motive to get a spec for ourselves :p 3 of us need to get a better vision to see things better lol the staff there really friendly. we have a good time chit chat there and try almost the whole shop's glasses. end up each one of us get something nice for our eyes. hehe... the staff there having trouble to check my eye sight's power coz i not enough sleep and drunk everyday even at penang :p end up i need to check my eyes only on last day at penang. the spec will courier to me later. so nice right... the shop even have this special service for customer. the spec that i choose is a bit expensive but no choice coz i really love it. hopefully is worth it.

see what's this...the design in the optic shop is very special. really never see any design using toilet bowl as seats and table. haha... we brought mcD and eat in the shop on top of the toilet bowl :p

this is what we did on the toilet bowl. so cool right~~~

more photos to be continue.....

p/s : is quite late already. time to sleep and back to work tomorrow.

single life...

single life is it should be more fun and freedom? should i take this time to enjoy myself since i can do anything i like and nobody care what i did? i really wish i will enjoy all this time alone staying outside. nobody control or mumble me but... i really feel lonely and bored. now everytime i look at any couple who hold hands walk closely to cinema, eat together, shopping, i really hope i have someone by my side having all this sweet times together. regret??? nah...i choose it to be this way. sitting alone at living hall facing my laptop is already a daily routine job for me everyday after back from work. puffing all the way with my ciggie. i really hope to quit smoking but if i quit i was like nothing else to do to pass my night time.

today i went to gym,swim and sauna. fully utilise my condo's facilities hoping can have some healthy life and pass my time. sigh...i still cant sleep at this hour. bored bored bored... i really cant be alone. i will start thinking of my pass and those sweet memories keep running in my mind. still remember i played tarot card last week. is my very 1st time play this. it seems so true about me. i still remember the card that i get represent my fearness. haiz...it says i scare being alone....IS SO TRUE!!!! what can i do? now i just can focus myself work work and work.

home sweet home

Here you go...finally i able to upload some photo of my own room :) nice ma?


My bed....

Old wardrobe


Dressing table

Momo's birthday 13.11.07

as i promised here are some photos of mocha's birthday. nothing special for him this year. just a simple cake for him :)



Mocha's cake





2 years old Mocha

another weekend

is been 18 days i moved to this new condo with my friends. really alot of things happen. stay with my colleagues cum housemate really never one day we are not drunk. everybody takes turn to puke in the bathroom except ME so far :p yesterday we went for a movie BEOWULF. is really alot of people there. the last show there will be 315am. i wonder is there any people will still come to watch movie at that time. our movie ticket is 1250am. meanwhile we waiting for the show we decided to go for a drinks at Laundry. we ordered a BLUE MARGARITA TOWER. yes is a tower... 2 litres..i love the tower so much. wish i can have one at home. still remember we did drink CARLSBERG TOWER before. i love all the towers. hahaha....let me put in some photo of it. we going to be alcoholic soon :p


CARLSBERG TOWER



BLUE MARGARITA TOWER

sickie est

today woke up still with cough and flu. can consider recover a bit. yesterday after took 7 tablets of pills plus cough syrup...yucks~~~ i not even feel sleepy. get into bed around 1030pm and chit chat with my friend until 12am. wow...i not even feel a bit sleepy :( then my friend has to left me alone in the room. after a while my housemate pass by my room and knocked my door "est, you still awake?" then i opened the door and she came in. we chat for a while in my room then get out of the room have a puff and continued chat until 2am. hahaha... i am wondering is the medicine so CALLED will feel sleepy didnt work on me?

mocha's birthday is coming soon. suppose i will meet him up today to celebrate his birthday. i miss him alot. after i moved here i always dreamt of mocha. sigh...i called my ex see if he can bring mocha over today but....he said he not free then i asked him so when can celebrate birthday for mocha. he just told me he will celebrate for him then hung up :( what does this means? is it celebrate without me? why? god still giving me some test after so many things happened? broke up, moved out, be independant, sick and cant meet mocha? is it enough all this TEST?

rainy saturday morning

i woke up this morning about 10am. wow...i feel like i really no need to sleep. i was like slept at 6am++ this morning.haiz...yesterday after drink half bottle of vodka i still can't sleep. gosh...what happen to me??? yesterday i am having flu and cough. now i feel so sick. my tongue is pain and i am having sore throat as well :(

maybe later i really need to see doctor to get some medicine. i don't have any medicine with me already. all in the rubbish bin when i packing last week. haiz... need to eat pills again :( i really hate to eat pills...yucks~~

tonight i still need to go out to celebrate my friend's birthday. hopefully later i will feel better. if not with the running nose really suffer.

sitting at balcony

i was trying to upload my house photo but i do it until very grumpy. then i just press escape and off. haha...i was sitting at balcony alone. haiz...i really can't be alone. start thinking the pass and what's happening now. i really feel so lonely. everybody has their own life...today one of my housemate back to singapore. left me with my another housemate cum colleague cum good friend :p we both really got nothing to do. she is sleeping in the room. i was thinking thinking and thinking until feel want to cry. immediately i grab my left over half bottle of vodka. hopefully after drink i wont think so much. alot of my friends now everytime see me also will call me alcoholic :p

i really sit here for few hours with the laptop in front of me...from the busy evening traffic jam view until the sky turns darker and darker.facing the nice night view from my balcony...what a nice feel if i can get a red wine and enjoy the night with my love ones...sigh...it is a dream of mine but now no meaning for me with the nice kl night view.

10 signs guy is in love

10. You've forgotten your ex

More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again.
Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place.

9. You can't stop thinking about her

Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and you wonder if she thinks of you half as much as you think of her. You wonder what she's up to and even consider calling her (but refrain from doing so for fear of looking overeager).
But it gets worse. You're out with your friends and you see something in a shop window and think about how much she would like that particular item, or you notice a poster for a show that she would love, but normally wouldn't even have looked twice at it.
If she's the last thing on your mind before you go to sleep and the first thing on your mind when you wake up - and you've even dreamed of her on a couple of occasions - then you don't really even need to read on to know if you're in love (but should anyway, just to be sure).

8. You care about her

There is a reason why you don't really want to know too much about the chick you had a one-night stand with: You don't love her. When you're in love with a woman, you want to know all about her: who she is, what she thinks, what makes her laugh. You truly care about her and her feelings.
If you truly love a woman, you feel bad if she had a bad day or is upset about something. You don't try to cheer her up because you have to, but because you can't help it.

7. You find her quirks charming

The fact that she carries her passport with her everywhere she goes - just in case - and that, when she's eating, she can't help but construct every forkful so that it's the perfect blend of ingredients fills you with an inexplicable feeling of happiness.
She does and says things that make her different, and you like it. You can't quite put your finger on why, but it doesn't even matter. You like her just the way she is.

6. You have great chemistry

You can't be in love with someone that you have no chemistry with. If you seem to always be on the same wavelength, and think in similar ways, that's a great sign. If you also generate enough heat to set off a five-alarm fire bell, then she is probably someone that you could fall in love with, if you aren't there already.

5. You don't notice other women as much

Did you see that gorgeous blonde that just walked by? What do you mean, "no"?!?
Although you can't help noticing a beautiful woman when one walks by, when you're in love, some of them tend to slip under the radar, while others just pale in comparison to her. Furthermore, you don't seem to be flirting half as much as you used to.
You are slowly realizing that she's often the only woman in the room that matters, and for some reason that suits you just fine.

4. You love spending time with her

This one is pretty obvious but important nonetheless. You look forward to seeing her, and don't care much about what the two of you will be doing. Lately, just going for a walk with her sounds like the best way you could possibly spend an evening.
Furthermore, when you're not together, you miss her and wish you were spending time together

3. You don't mind compromising sometimes

There was a time when it was your way or the highway, but with her it's different. Not that she asks you to, but you don't mind missing a night out with the guys to be with her. And you find yourself trying to incorporate her into your plans or altering them to accommodate her.
You also find yourself not putting up a fight when she wants to go to Shakespeare in the Park. Although your friends find this very amusing, you know that deep down, they wish that they had found a love like yours.

2. Other priorities take a back seat

You used to train religiously, but lately, if she's free for dinner, you don't mind missing a workout. Not only that, but your workaholic tendency of bringing home your work on weekends to get ahead seems a bit excessive to you as of late.
Your ever-important "to do" list seems quite stagnant these days, as being with her always manages to render your other plans and obligations obsolete. What was it that you absolutely had to do by four o'clock again?

1. You start thinking about the future and she's in it

It used to be that the future with a woman meant your date on Saturday night, but with this woman, the future seems infinite. Not only do you plan to see her this weekend, but you want to see her a year from now as well.
When planning your next vacation, you know you want to spend it with her, and not a random beach bunny you happen to meet while you're there. And when you get an invitation to a wedding that takes place three months from now, you ask her to be your date without thinking that it's too far away to tell if you'll still be together.

She's the one
If you are currently dating a woman that makes you act in any of the ways mentioned above, then you, my friend, are seriously falling for her. It's time to put away the little black book for a while and enjoy the ride.

If a man wants you

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn’t want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve.
then heck no, you can’t “be friends.”
A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
Don’t settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don’t stay because you think “it will get better.”
You’ll be mad at yourself.
a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn’t marry them when he got them pregnant,
Why would he treat you any differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.
He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man’s behavior.
Change comes from within.
Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are…even if he has more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else’s man.
Oh Lord! If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending… compromise is a two-way street.
You need time to heal between relationships… there is nothing cute about baggage… deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you… a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals… look for someone complimentary…not supplementary.
Dating is fun…even if he doesn’t turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes… when a man always know where you are,and your always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.
Don’t fully commit to a man who doesn’t give you everything that you need.
Keep him in your radar but get to know others.
Share this with other ladies….. You’ll make someone SMILE,another RETHINK her choices, and another woman PREPARE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them and an entire lifetime to forget them.

BY THE WAY, THIS WAS WRITTEN BY A MAN, SO TAKE A HINT……

updates

it's been a while didnt update my blog. my new place dont have any internet connection yet. now i am at ikano sitting at starbucks to update my things.hehe...phew..long time didnt login facebook,didnt check mail 54 mails i have.walao....somemore long time didnt kick my friend :p i will revenge when i have connection at home. wait for me ya~~

i took leave since thursday just to clean my house and move all the big furniture. yesterday finally have a proper bed to sleep. wuhuuu...i collected my curtain already yesterday. want to upload photos but how sad when moving that time i throw away my software cd. now i have the cable but cant upload :( hope you all be patient la. i took some photo already. let me find the way to get the software first.

That's Why You Go Away

Michael Learns to Rock

Baby won't you tell me why there is sadness in your eyes
I don't wanna say goodbye to you
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

You're the one who set it up now you're the one to make it stop
I'm the one who's feeling lost right now
Now you want me to forget every little thing you said
but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

You were never satisfied no matter how I tried
Now you wanna say goodbye to me
Love is one big illusion I should try to forget
but there is something left in my head

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know

Sitting here all alone in the middle of nowhere
Don't know which way to go
There ain't so much to say now between us
There ain't so much for you
There ain't so much for me anymore

I won't forget the way you're kissing
The feeling so strong were lasting for so long
But I'm not the man your heart is missing
That's why you go away I know
That's why you go away I know

friendship

alot of things changing now...a very good friend of mine been away from me. "M" did help me alot when the time i am in a mess. "M" fetch me to n fro when i need help. at that moment i really need someone with me and "M" never failed to help on. "M" spend most of the time with me. "M" gives me food, place to sleep, transport, cares and also financially did help me. i really appreciate. however "M" wont forever with me. i need to be or have to be independant. "M" found own life now. "M" is too busy for me. i know times cant go backward. i really have a good time whenever we are together. no matter what happen i still hope we can catch up very soon. i still hope can celebrate your birthday for you. i still hope "M" will be there when i move house. once i get my car (hopefully really can get it) you are the first person who sit next to me. this is my promise to you. i wont forget who helps me. i will always support you in whatever you do. all the best!!!

"friend is the one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out"

u got to move it..move it...move it

5 days didnt update my blog :p been busy packing my stuff. i going to move on this thursday. this few days i have been busy packing all my things in boxes. clean my house and bring mocha to groom. mocha now is BOTAK. pity him...he looks silly with his naked body. i think he also cant accept how he looks like now but no choice since he shed and tangle alot coz of he is changing to adult fur.

so now my house is full with the boxes all around. really hope the day come very soon. so i can unpack all my things and have a proper place to rest. still alot of things to clear and pack. this month really need to spend alot. sigh... yesterday been to see cloths. thought want to get some cheap cloth for my curtain. cant choose any...the color and patterns seems doesnt match my needs. after count count and count. walao...is very expensive leh :( all on budget. help me!!!!

pssstt~~~need help to move my things ne....who can be my volunteer :p

moving on

phew~~~the times run so fast...i have been away from my home sweet home for about 2 weeks. everything is changing and changing and keep on changing. alot of things happen in just not more than a month. currently i stayed with my dear colleague. simply chuck at her house. still remember the very first day reached her house. gosh~~~ i need to fight with a big cockcroach. in my past life each time i see this ugly insect i will run far far away and hide myself from looking at it but now i need to be tough. me and my friend with the broom, book and perfume get ready to attack this small enemy. you all must wonder why use perfume. is because her house dont have ridsect. gosh~~~so i just suggest use perfume. kakaka....it really works. the cockcroach crawl out from the shade. i throw the book on it. bingo~~~i get him. we were jump in joy. we beat the enemy. wow~~~a big things to celebrate :p

in my half life i really never been so suffer. i cant depend on anybody. i need to take cold shower which is really very cold. sleep at somebody's bed. everything is not convenience for me. sigh... i am looking forward to get my own room and sleep on my own bed. i need a good and comfortable rest.

ok this is my plan now. i going to rent a house with my colleagues. i will have my own room. yuuuhuuuuu~~~is a very nice place. after i settle down...you all can come to visit me. i am sure you all will like it also. meanwhile please pray for me :S i will know my car loan status tomorrow. hopefully i can get it. after i get the car i really can release a bit. at least i have own place to stay and have car to work. no car in kl really suffer. i cant go anywhere. after i move in then i will fetch mocha. is been sometime i didnt see him. i miss him so much.

stay tune with me with my new life. if can i will post some photo of my new house. thanks you all for supports and comments. i really need your advise at this moment. THANKS!!!

100 Days Together "Never too Late to Say I LOVE U

i get this article from my friend's blog. i really hope to share with you all. is really touching....

Peter and Tina are sittinng in the park doing nothing, but just gazing into the sky, while all their friends are having with their beloved half.
Tina : I'm so bored. Just wish I have a boyfriend now to spend time with.
Peter : I guess we're the only leftoevers. We're the only person who isn't with a date now. (both sigh n silence for a while)
Tina : I think I have a good idea. Lets play a game.
Peter : Eh? What game?
Tina : Eem..It's quite simple. You be my boyfriend for 100 days and I'l be your girlfriend for 100 days. What do you think?
Peter : Oookay..Anyway I don't have any plan for the next few months.
Tina : You sound like you aren't looking forward to it at all. Cheer up. Today will be our first day and our first date. Where should we go?
Peter : What about a movie? I heard that there is a really great movie in the theater now.
Tina : Seems like I don't have any better idea than this. Lets move. (went to watch their movies and sent eac other home)
Day 2:
Peter and Tina went to a concert together, and Peter bought Tina a keycain with a star.
Day 3:
They went shopping together for a friend's birthday present. Share an ice-cream together and hugged each other for the first time.
Day 7:
Peter drove Tina up onto a mountain and they watch the sunset together. When the night came and the moon glowed, they sat on the grass gazing at the stars together. A meteor passed by. Tina mumbled something.
Day 25:
Spend time at a themepark and got onto rollercoasters, and ate hotdogs and cotton candy. Peter and Tina got in the haunted house and Tina grabbed someone's hand instead of Peter's hand by accident. They laughed together for a while.
Day 67:
They drove pass a circus and decided to get in to watch the show. The midget asked Tina to pla a part as his assistant in the magic show. Went around to see other entertainments around after the show. Came to a fortune teller and she just said "Treasure every moment from now on" and a tear rolled down the fortune teller's check.
Day 84:
Tina suggested that they go to the beach. The beach wasn't so crowded that day. They have their first kiss with each other just as the sun is setting.
Day 99:
They decided to have a simple day and is deciding to have a walk around the city. They sits down onto a bench.
1.23pm
Tina : I'm thirsty. Let's rest for a while first.
Peter : Wait here while I go buy some drinks. What would you like?
Tina : Eem..Apple juice will be just fine.
1.43pm
Tina waiting for about 20 minutes and Peter haven't return. Then someone walked up to her.
Stranger : Just now down there on the street a drunk driver has crashed into a guy. I think its your friend.
Tina ran over to the spot with the stranger and sees Peter lying on the floor with blood over his face and her apple juice still in his hands. The ambulance came and she went to the hospital with Peter.
Tina sat outside the emergency room for five and a half hours. The doctor came out, and he sigh.
11.51pm
Doctor : I'm sorry, but we did the best we could. He is still breathing now but God would tae him away from us very soon. We found this letter inside his pocket.
The doctor hands over the letter to Tina and she goes into the room to see Peter. e look weak but peaceful. Tina read the letter and then she burst into tears. Here is what the letter sad.
Tina, our 100 days is almost over. I had fun with you during all these days. Although you may be greedy sometimes and less thoughtful, but these all brought happiness into my life. I have realize that you are a really cute girl and blamed myself for never taken the time to knowing that. I have nothing much to ask for, but I just wish that we can extend the day. I want to be your boyfriend forever and wish that you can be beside me all the time. Tina, I love you.
11.58pm
Tina : (sobbing) Peter. Did you know what was the wish I made on the might there was a meteor. I asked God to let us last forever. We were suppose to last 100 days. So Peter! You can't leave me! I LOVE YOU, but can you come back to me now? I love you Peter. I LOVE YOU.
As the clock struck twelve, Peter's heart stopped beating. It was 100 days.
Note*
Tell the guy or girl that you love them before its too ate. You never know what's going to happen tomorrow. You never know who will be leaving you and never return.

pick from anna's blog....

Separate Lives

You called me from the room in your hotel
All full of romance for someone that you met
And telling me how sorry you were, leaving so soon
And that you miss me sometimes when you’re alone in your room
Do I feel lonely too?

You have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
We can’t go on just holding on to time
Now that we’re living separate lives

Well I held on to let you go
And if you lost your love for me, well you never let it show
There was no way to compromise
So now we’re living (living)
Separate lives

Ooh, it’s so typical, love leads to isolation
So you build that wall (build that wall)
Yes, you build that wall (build that wall)
And you make it stronger

Well you have no right to ask me how I feel
You have no right to speak to me so kind
Some day I might (I might) find myself looking in your eyes
But for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Yes for now, we’ll go on living separate lives
Separate lives

rainy sunday

i can feel that the weather follows my mood. cloudly and rainning all the time. i feel very hard to understand a person. i start to hate myself. i was like hanging in the air all the time. i cant find any security now. my decision to separate not only i will be alone but it really effect every single things in my life. lots of my friends did say, "Esther, this is not life or death". do you all really know is nearly about my life. i really break down now.

new lifestyle new environment...

it's been a day i away from my own house...can i get use to the new environment? new lifestyle? i also dont know how to answer that. am i happy? i hope to be happy with my new life. anyhow is not all happen as i thought. today finally i manage to get back to my parents house. nothing much happen also. seems like everything is normal. now my life is like sleep, blog, work, eat and sleep. hahaha....

i miss my naughty mocha so much but i think he should be under good care. now i was worrying about my fishes. ya...i have fish aquarium at my house too. still thinking the way to make sure they will still in good condition. i think i really need a car. if i have car i no need to disturb my friend everytime to send me here and there. kindda annoying already :p

today i called the car salesman...finally i get him. he said will help me to get some other bank for the loan. sigh... hopefully really can get it. WISH ME GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!

what's my feeling now?

yesterday i spend whole night with mocha. he is very happy playing with me. he very stick to me. where ever i went he will just follow my foot steps. it's time for me to pack all my clothes. mocha just lying beside my luggage bag looking at me. i feel so sad that i have to leave him. sorry mocha...mummy will be back soon to fetch you. while i packing all my belongings, alot of things come to my mind. all those memories when i start to move in to this house. here is the place i adopt mocha since he was 4 months old and he will turns to 2 years old next month. sigh....argh...dont think...or else i will cry again on my desk :(

after pack all my stuff i went out to living hall to have a puff. stand by the window look at the night view for the last time. phew~~~ scary feeling. the time has come for me to move on. i cant stay here while the world is moving. sorry for everything.

i get my medicine and eat double the dose just hope i can get into sleep later. i sit on my dining chair and simply explore what's inside MY DOCUMENT in my laptop. i found something...is kind of letter i communicate with him. actually everytime we argue i use to write to him coz he never will sit there and listen to me. i read back all the contents in the letter...sigh....same problem. then i check back the date when i wrote it and it was on 2006. i login to friendster...i check back my mails....there is another letter there...same problem and it was on 2005. haiz~~~actually we already face the problem since 2 years back. then i am very sure my decision now maybe is good for both of us. if 1 of us didnt make the move now maybe 10 years later the problem is still there. hope you understand.

life must go on

this morning woke up late....being blur blur rushing to work. after i reached office only i realised that i forgot to bring my medicine. sigh... today i have made the most cruel and hardest decision in my life. now i already have zero in my life except my parents and my lovely sis. so sorry if some of you might think i doing some wrong things again. my car loan is having trouble which i need to sort out but it needs time. my house? i cant stay in the house without a car. i need to work. so i have decided temporary place mocha under my ex care. i am really sad and sorry to him that i have to make this decision as in i really cant take care of him right now. i have to be clear of myself and of coz i will fetch him back right after everything goes well soon. i hope is very soon.

temporary i will stay at my friend's place which is kind enough to help me at this moment. i really appreciate that. meanwhile, i will still think of the best way to put back my life together as usual. tonight might be the last night i feed mocha..clear his poo...play ball with him...sleep with him. i will miss you so much~~~

what a bad bad day...

finally i get to call bank to check on my loan application. they REJECTED :( gosh...what can i do now??? what a life without a car. i cant go to work, i cant back to my parents house, i cant do alot of things.

today really bad luck...fever on and off. my hp out of battery and died. when i try to on . omg...so long time i didnt off my hp i really cant remember what is the pin code. i tried and tried LOCKED. argh... i stay alone and i cant make or receive any calls. who care???? i really got nothing now. how if one day i have no car and phone cant make or receive calls. will someone really worry about me? i rush out to public phone to make a call to someone who i think will care. sigh...i am wrong :(

why you still controlling my life?

since we already choose to be in separate way then why you still bugging me and controlling me? i feel so suffer...can you please stop scolding me? i really feel so sick and i am trying to have my own life. what can i do now? i dont want to argue anymore....

i have already told my mum about this matter. she non stop calling me yesterday. ask me this and that. if can i wont choose to be like that. honestly i am not that tough. i need someone to be with me, to care of me, to pamper me but what can i do? just because of other people i need to stay back? i dont want my life just end up like this. even after 5 years i still feel insecure. can anyone tell me how long i still need to wait? what if after 2 years still the same? i am selfish...i cant wait for miracle to happen.

sick again...

argh... fever, cough, flu. why all this virus keep on staying inside my body. i really hate to eat medicine. yuck~~~ cough syrup again, flu tablets, antibiotic...makes me feel so sleepy. after ate the medicine i can mabuk in half hour. more efficient than liqour :p

this morning wake up i feel my head so heavy. whole body aching. my eyes going to burst. sigh... no matter how sick i still need to drag myself to office :( no more mc for me. take mc again sure will receive big envelope soon. kacang salary also gone then i will die man~~~

brand new start

this year this month this moment is time for ESTHER to wake up and work out for her life. me and him have been struggling for 2 years for this 5 years relationship. i been blur with no aim in my life. just let the time pass without any meaning. 5 years with 2 years dragging...finally i make my decision to start all over again. maybe is a good ending for me and him. this time i really mean it!!!! maybe i am selfish...sorry for everything and i do appreciate what you have done for me this few years.

for now i need to adjust every single of my lifestyle from the head to toe. i need to stand up and be independant. i admit i used to depend on him. since now i decide it this way then i need to be brave but i really scare to face it :( every friend that call me to concern about my matter for sure they will throw me the first question " How are you going to work?" then i will replied " Good question". sigh... i trying to get a car. still waiting for the loan to approve. is not easy.... once get a car the more burden i have. phew~~~ with the kacang salary how to bear so many things.

see my blog la...

This come to my mind at first when I think should I start a blog of myself. I can't write very well but I feel fun writting a blog after chasing for other people's blog everyday :p I think sometime ago I did have a blog of my dog Mocha but I really don't know how to write and lazy to update. This few days been thinking should I start a blog again..... and here I am. Trying to write something on and hope it wont too bored.